i have a theory.

its too big to just slop down here in one simple journal entry, but
this sheds just a little light on what might be one of the biggest, most profound, complicated and convincing deceptions in the world that we live in today.


think about it.
what do you let money tell you about you?
do you feel secure when you have it?
do you feel unbalanced and uninteligent when you dont?

i work at this coffee place in downtown, and the other day this lady came in. buisness was a bit slow just then, so there was time to talk a little. she was rummaging around in her purse, trying to find enough change to pay the 95 cents for the small cup of freshly brewed coffee now steaming heartily, looking oh so deep and brown there in it's white rimmed cup, her hand rummaging for the last bit of change, penny after penny in small piles on the deep green counter.
poor lady, she said to me, and im not even kidding, she said "Gosh, i feel so stupid. i dont have enough."

89 cents, people.
89 *)$@%#*% cents.
and this lady vocally stated, TO MY FACE, that she was ACTUALY a stupid person because she was six cents short.

she was smiling, kind of like the words that she was saying were some kind of understood joke or something. but hey...look people, how am i to know if she was only kidding, or if she actually meant what she was saying? i mean, really. what if she really believed what she was saying, what if she genuinely understood that talk like this is supposed to be normal, that in situations like this, you are actualy stupid to be short on change? i mean, isn't it inteligent to make sure you have enough money to buy what you intend to buy when you go out? i mean, duh... come on!

...well.

i picked up this damp towel from somewhere behind the counter and started wiping down the espresso machine, and i said to her, "Well, you know what frusterates me? What really frusterates me is how we let money tell us how much we're worth. i mean, we really do. Money tells us wether we're inteligent or worth anything at all. And thats just not true. it just isn't. Money shouldnt be the thing that tells me my self worth, but it totally does."

still standing on the other side of the smoothe counter, and as a pile of change six cents short dissapears in my hand, she looked down at her coffee, still smiling, and as deep aroma stirred the senses, her lips moved again.
"Words of wisdom," she said back to me.

and as i turned to get back to buisness, she stopped with coffee in hand. in almost mid step she looked at me again.


"Whats your name, anyway?"



...she said.

Heres something REALY interesting that i learned in class lat tuesday.
theres a strange phenomenon that's occuring in the western world, a phenomenon specificaly in the U.S., but here's not the only place. Amaricans, more than mos anyone, believe that happines is something that we deserve. that contentment and comfort is something we are born to receive.
"Do what tastes right."
"Obey your thirst."
"You deserve it."
But a strange reality of the world, and contrary to the beleifs of Americans, is that life is really hard. If you get moments of Happyness and contentment, enjoy it whyle it's here.

cause it's not lastin.

how many times have you wondered, "Why dont i feel wonderfull?" "Everyone else seems to be having a great time, happy and content, but here i am, doing the same stuff that 'they' are telling me makes a person happy, the stuff I see on T.V., the stuff i read in the paper, but something just isnt right. What's wrong with me?"





you ever think that?





something i've found, and it could be that im just nuts or something, what most Americans, specificaly, consider to be satisfaction
is just a bunch of things that other people tell them makes a person whole.

Sex. ever want sex too much? ever get it in your head and not be able to shake it?

hmmmm....

smokin with your buddies.

ever wonder why it just doesnt hit you like it used to?

ever wonder why you hate the world?

shouldnt you be loving it if all this stuff is supposed to make you smile?


Shopping.


shoes.



...money...




ever think about any of that stuff?




well.

isnt that interesting.

Marriage with brickwork sirens, plastic bagged wingspan, tendrils of
Jetstream branches.

I look down at the cracks in the street and Plaxa.
Market Square has its own oxygen, a kind you dont find on golf courses or High Class Lexus dealerships.
here, the dirt filling up cracks and folds is the kind of dirt thats made up of bits of everyone,

everything.
Staring down i see a cardboard, oh so thin

Match

Mingled around and worn down with pine needles from these little green potted trees that move about on their own from time to time. I see thick dirt, pine cone and peanut shell, stone and free birds, small and invigorated by the
winter
chill


A tall black man smiles at me sitting
on the stage steps as he passes,
his gait long and porpose driven
white plastic wrapped over something
hidden, pulled by gravity in this place
he calls
"from here to there, you know!"





the big clock
and my phone

both agree.


breaks over.

11:14 2/23/06

"Tremors here and there,"
she wispers in my ear.
"Faulty value begets faulty formality,
and in this moment there's hardly a moment left,
if you know what i'm saying."
I nod my head.
Because i didnt hear a thing she said.
lips so close
to my ear so near
but wispering wind is all i hear.
I cradle forth my grinding
to froth up her spine,
cause in moments like these
the last thing she wants to hear
is that i, indeed, refuse to hear
and swim away with laughter.

Just such a poor girl...
"I'll just tremor over here, thank you,"
I'll say.
"Cause even though things beget faulty things
in this place most weakening,
wild men and women brave the very edge of the world
as it folds away into deepest space
managing to dodge and weave on mile wide pieces
of backyards,
churchyards,
the weeping meadow,

it is the wild ones here and everywhere

that will break their gravity...

...running free...

heh. And for those of you who didnt believe me....








BAM!!!


how bout THAT!?!1? flying squirrel suits baby!!!
and heres a vid to prove it.
bird-man
and theres this high performance flight that makes me throw up, its so cool!
dont forget to hit the play button, kids
tell your friends to buy one!



oh. and dont forget the rediculous joys of strapping rockets to your feet and jumping out of a hot air baloon at 2000+ meters in the air.

i do believe that the first entry calls for a very special announcement.

*ahem*

the newest developments in the promise of the future...


i hope that you all enjoy.